Kanda Yuu Doesn't Do Competitions
by Mitsuki2185
Summary: Allen and Kanda decide battle it out with a competition, but what happens when the competition goes too far? And more importantly what happens the morning after the competition? YAOI and yaoi fangirls. Yullen. Lemons in later chapters. Enjoy.
1. Lenalee's Great Idea

*******

Disclaimer: I do not own D(dot)Gray-man, for if I did…well, in the words of one of my closest friends/fanfic author… "All yaoi pairings should fear for their virginity"

A/N: Has anyone taking the Seme/Uke test? It's on .com. I'm really interested in what kind of semes or ukes people are. I, myself, am a Sadistic Seme…*sniffle* my friends are always teasing me because I'm the only Sadistic Seme we know. I've gotten a few of my friends to take it, and we even have this thing where we wear rings to represent what kind of seme or uke we are, it's really cool, it goes like this.

Semes wear black rings and Ukes wear red rings.

If you're a seme you wear it on your left hand if you're single and on your right hand if you're taken.

If you're an uke you wear it on your right hand for single and left for taken.

Put your ring on your:

Thumb-for Opportunist Seme/Clueless Uke

Index-for Sadistic Seme/Dramatic Uke

Middle-for Don't Fuck With Me Seme/Badass Uke

Ring-for Romantic Seme/Innocent Uke

Pinky-for Chibi Seme/Flaming Uke

Get it? If you're looking for a single uke or seme, just look for a ring on the hand opposite you ring, and to find a compatible match, just look for someone wearing a ring on the same finger as yours, just opposite hand and opposite color. The fingers match up directly with the most compatible match.

I just thought that this was a really cool thing that people should know about, and really clever too. I'll be watching out for red rings on the right hand index finger. Watch out Dramatic Ukes here comes a Sadistic Seme. *wink*

*******

"Baka Moyashi! Stop disrupting my meditation time." warned kanda as he sat with his eyes closed and his legs crossed in the traditional pretzel-style, his arms resting idly on his knees.

"But I'm not doing _anything_!" whined Allen as he tried earnestly to mimic the Japanese swordsman's current position.

"Well…stop breathing so loud." complained Kanda, his eyebrow twitching at his annoyance.

"But this is how I always breathe," pointed out Allen, "I can't breathe any quieter."

"Well then just stop breathing altogether!"

At that Allen shut up, leaving the room eerily quiet.

-Hmmmm…the Moyashi's been awfully quiet, this isn't like him.- thought Kanda.

Kanda ever so slightly opened one eye to peek over at Allen.

"Fuck." he cursed as he shook the unconscious Allen's body, "Damn it Moyashi, I didn't really mean to stop breathing! Baka!"

It was at that moment that Allen decided that he couldn't contain his laughter any longer and burst into fits of hysteria as Kanda just knelt there, stunned and pissed as hell.

"Moyashi…" growled Kanda murderously, "you better have just miraculously waken from the dead…"

And Allen laughed all the harder as he dodged Kanda's deadly swings.

It was later at Dinnertime, as Allen and Kanda that continued their non-stop bickering, that Lenalee came up with the idea.

"Instead of arguing and fighting all the time, why don't you guys just have a competition?" asked Lenalee.

"I agree." said Lavi as he sized up Allen and Kanda individually, guessing who would be better to bet on.

"But of course we all already know who'd win…" started Lavi.

"Yeah," said Lenalee, nonchalantly, "it's obvious that the winner would be…"

"Allen."

"Yuu-chan."

It took them a good minute before realizing what the other had said. Immediately their eyes interlocked, the cackling sound of thunder almost audible between them.

Allen and Kanda had already stopped arguing long ago and now sat quietly enjoying their food as Lavi and Lenalee fought over them.

"Fine!" shouted Lavi, "Then Yuu challenges Allen to a sword fight."

"Okay, but then Allen challenges Kanda-kun to an eating contest." fired back Lenalee.

"Oi! Baka Usagi," scolded kanda as he smacked Lavi on thee head, "Don't put words into my mouth."

"Yeah," said Allen his mouth still stuffed with food, "You too Lenalee."

"Baka Moyashi, your mouth is so full of food, there's not enough room for her to fit any words in your mouth." pointed out Kanda.

"Hey, was that an *gulp* insult?" said Allen swallowing his food.

"Well it sure as hell wasn't a compliment." muttered Kanda.

"You're just mad because you know that you wouldn't be able to beat me in an all-out eating contest." retorted Allen.

"Of course I can't, your stomach is a black hole!" screamed Kanda tired of having to deal with the beansprout for this long, "I'm leaving! And nothing you could possibly say will persuade me otherwise."

The angry Japanese man spun on his heel and stalked towards the door when he was stopped by Allen's next words.

"He's just uncertain about his swordsmanship skills." said Allen nonchalantly to Lavi and Lenalee. Knowing he had hit a nerve, he dug deeper, "His stance is too stiff and his defense has a few openings here and there…"

"Would you mind saying that again Moyashi?" asked Kanda venom dripping into the very core of the question. He didn't turn around, but Allen could already guess the expression on Kanda's face as the short-tempered man before him clenched and unclenched the fists at his side, his other hand wrapped tightly around Mugen's hilt until his knuckles turned white.

"no problem _Bakanda_." smirked Allen, "I said that you were uncert-"

It only took a moment for Kanda to close the distance between them, the glare he gave Allen stopping him mid-sentence.

"I'll accept your _**challenge**_ to the sword fight," hissed Kanda, "and any other event _other _than an all-out eating contest."

"Poker."

"What?" asked Kanda blinking in surprise.

"I challenge you" repeated Allen putting emphasis on the word 'challenge', "to a poker game."

-A poker game?- thought kanda -What kind of a joke is this?-

"Ah, Yuu-chan…" started Lavi.

"Don't call me that!"

"but…I don't think this is a good idea…"

"Why not?"

"Because Moyashi-chan would kill you in a game of poker." warned Lavi.

"It's Allen." reminded said beansprout.

"So what you're saying," instigated Lenalee, "is that Kanda-kun isn't smart enough to beat Allen?"

"Baka Usagi!" shouted Kanda letting his anger get the better of him, he turned to face Allen, "I'll play your stupid card game…but the loser has to…"

"Cosplay." said Lenalee.

"What?!" exclaimed Allen and Kanda in unison.

"Hmmmm…interesting." was all that Lavi said before running off to who-knows-where.

"Why cosplay?" asked Allen.

"Oh, it's just a little something for the fangirls." replied Lenalee.

"Fan…girls?" blinked Allen, thoroughly confused.

"Don't tell me we have them here at the Order too." said Kanda knowing full well what that meant as he looked around suspiciously.

"But of course." said Lenalee, "Watch."

She whispered a word , barely audible, that sounded like…yaoi?

The reaction was immediate.

"Fuck." said Kanda, "Don't tell me they're yaoi fangirls, those are the worst kind!"

The Canteen was suddenly filled with every single girl finder in the Order (which wasn't very many) and the squealing began.

There were shouts and screams of "yaoi" everywhere and the squeals echoed off the walls, everyone else in the cafeteria just ignored them, probably already used to the effects of yaoi fangirlness.

It was only a few seconds later that the fangirls noticed Allen and Kanda.

_Through the Fangirl's Eyes_

_"Kanda," asked Allen looking at Kanda with puppy dog eyes that sparkled with curiosity, "What does 'Yaoi' mean?"_

_"I would tell you, my beloved Moyashi, if only I weren't so shy." replied Kanda blushing furiously as he looked away and 'che'd' to hide his embarrassment._

_Then someone decided to help Kanda express his true feelings by pushing him forward._

_The world stopped moving and the room was completely silent as the taller of the two exorcists pinned the younger boy to the ground in a passionate and breath-taking kiss._

**What Really Happened**

"Kanda," asked Allen, "What does 'Yaoi' mean?"

"Look it up yourself Moyashi, I'm not a freaking dictionary. Che." scolded Kanda.

It was then that one of the screaming fangirls (who just so happened to look a lot like Lenalee) 'accidentally' _bumped_ into Kanda making the already pissed off exorcist fall on top of Allen, pinning him to the floor where their lips crashed together with bruising force.

The fangirls simply squealed in delight at the scene before them.

*******

A/N: I'll leave it at that. Just for the fangirls. Hopefully more chapters to come. I've been feeling pretty lazy lately. *yawn*

P.S. If you have any suggestions for this fanfic, don't be afraid to REVIEW.


	2. Strip Poker

*******

Disclaimer: Don't own D(dot)Gray-man.

A/N: Thanks for all your support, so here's the next chapter of Kanda Yuu Doesn't Do Competitions.

*******

Chapter 2- Strip Poker

Kanda had never expected himself to kiss…well anyone. He had never actually thought about dating, or even girls really. All that had really mattered to him was 1) Mugen 2) training 3) missions and 4) soba and tempura. Girls had always just been a nuisance to him and he had never really liked girls. But that didn't necessarily mean that he liked guys. Actually, he didn't really like _anyone_. So what was he doing _kissing_ someone? What was he doing kissing a _guy?_ What was he doing kissing **MOYASHI?!?!?!?!?**

_What was he doing kissing Moyashi in a room full of people?! _**And what was he doing…enjoying it?**

All these questions reverberated throughout his head. Echoing and growing in volume. Finally, he seemed to remember that he was still on top of Moyashi and still kissing him.

He tore himself away from the small boy and ran off in the direction of the training rooms. But not before he had the chance to flip Lenalee the bird.

Allen was stunned. He had never been kissed before. _Especially_ not by a man. Never in a million years had he thought he would be kissed by Kanda. Even if it was an accident. A million thoughts and 'what if's ran through his mind as he ignored the squeals of delight from the yaoi fangirls and took off down the hall after Kanda. One question in particular stood out from the rest. "Why did it feel so good?"

The training rooms were the only place that Kanda actually liked in the order besides the baths. Sometimes he could train here for hours, improving his skills where no one could see the flaws that he was trying perfect. It was the one place where he actually let down his guard and not many people came here, especially if Kanda was training. The training rooms were the perfect place where 'accidents' were bound to happen. He had come here after the kiss to get his mind off of the stupid beansprout.

He had been meditating when said encumbrance walked in the door.

"Kanda?"

"What?" growled said meditating samurai.

"Are you mad at me?" asked Allen meekly.

These last words had caught him off guard, he had not expected the Moyashi's apologetic tone nor the sad expression that he saw when he looked up.

"No." sighed Kanda, "Why would I be? It wasn't your fault that Lenalee…"

A blush started to form on Kanda's face, so he hid his embarrassment the only way he knew how. He turned his head away and 'Che'd.

And of course Allen noticed this right away.

"Kanda…are you blush-"

"No."

"Oh."

The room was filled with an awkward uneasiness before Allen spoke up.

"Oh yeah! I brought my cards with me." said Allen suddenly remembering the deck of cards that he always kept hidden in his pocket (and the deck he kept hidden up his sleeve).

**3 Hours Later**

"There is no way that you are winning without cheating!" accused a _very_ pissed off Kanda.

They sat facing each other on the cold stone floor, it was probably about 9 or 10 pm.

"Maybe you're just not good enough." retorted Allen.

Kanda growled in response and threw in the last amount of money he had left as well as the leather wallet.

"Straight flush." said Kanda as he laid down his cards smugly with a grin.

Allen's face paled and Kanda took this as a good sign. That is until Allen's expression of dismay was replaced with an evil grin that would've put both Komui and the Millennium Earl to shame.

"Royal flush." said Allen laying down his hand in the most overly dramatic fashion possible.

"That is so cliché." muttered Kanda, "Everytime there's a straight flush there just has to be a royal flush."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"So…"

"What?" hissed Kanda.

"You have nothing left to bet with."

"So?"

"So I win." grinned Allen.

"Why?"

"Because you're not playing anymore."

"Che. Baka Moyashi, who said I wasn't playing anymore?"

"What do you-?"

Before Allen could say anything else, Kanda stood up and took off his exorcist coat, depositing it between him and Moyashi.

"Is this good enough?" asked Kanda sitting back down on the ground.

"I-I guess so…" spluttered Allen his eyes wide.

"Now let's get on with it."

**1 Hour Later**

It turned out that Kanda had actually been holding back a bit in the earlier rounds. Allen guessed that maybe now that it wasn't just his money that was at stake, but his pride…and his clothes, Kanda had stepped up his game a little.

Now that Kanda had started to play seriously, even when Allen was cheating he could just barely keep Kanda from winning. The lucky bastard was winning almost every other game now and it was really starting to get to Allen.

"When the heck did you start playing poker?" asked Allen unlacing his boots and putting them in the pile, his socks following suit. Clearly this was not Kanda's first experience with the game.

"Heh," said Kanda reminiscing, "it was one of the things that the old man looked down upon the most. So I decided to start playing just to bug him. It was back when I was 16. I guess you could say I was going through a bit of a rebellious stage" he smirked.

By 'old man' Allen assumed that Kanda was referring to General Tiedoll.

"Well at least you got to play for fun." muttered Allen under his breath.

"So when did you get started?" asked Kanda.

"Well actually, I was very young when I first started playing poker, and the only reason why I started was so that I could pay off my master's debts."

Kanda grimaced in response. Allen knew that it was because Kanda didn't like General Cross, but his heart leapt a little at thought that maybe it was because of the hardships that Allen had to endure.

They sat their saying nothing for a few moments before they both realized that they were in nothing but their boxers.

Allen looked longingly at his pile of clothes beside Kanda and caught Kanda doing the same with his pile of clothes beside Allen.

"One last hand, winner takes all."

"You're on." smirked Kanda.

In the end, Allen won. Kanda sat there grudgingly staring holes into Allen's back as he changed. Truthfully, he was trying not to stare at the young exorcist and looking away seemed too suspicious. So he had settled on glaring (staring) at the boy. But now he really regretted his decision, because he had just set himself up for another situation even more awkward than before. His eyes raked over Allen's body hungrily, noticing how smooth and pale the beansprout's back was. He looked the Moyashi up and down and let his eyes rest comfortably on said boy's perfectly sculpted butt. Shifting uncomfortably where he sat, Kanda tried desperately to hide his…arousal as Allen turned back around to face Kanda and give him a huge 'I just beat _the_ Kanda Yuu' grin.

-Damn Moyashi and his sexy ass- thought Kanda mentally scolding himself for the lewd comment.

"Ne, Kanda."

"What?"

"Don't be such a sore loser."

"I'm not." replied Kanda sulkily.

"How does it feel?" asked Allen taking a seat next to Kanda.

"How does it feel to what?"

"How does it feel to get pwned?"

"Baka Moyashi." was Kanda's only reply. He was much too occupied with his 'problem' to properly insult Allen.

And it didn't help that Allen kept getting closer and closer. Soon he would realize that Kanda was turned on, and Kanda didn't predict that turning out well at all.

He needed a plan. A distraction. Something to keep Allen from getting too close.

His prayers were answered in the form of a drunk Komui and Reever stumbling into the training room holding a few bottles of sake.

*******

A/N: I think that this story is coming along nicely. There'll probably only be 4 or 5 chapters in this fanfic, maybe 6. So I'll try to get the chapters up faster. This is probably my only good fanfic so far, I'm kinda stuck on the other ones.

P.S. Lemons in the next chapter! It'll be my first attempt at anything lemony that's not just implied, but shown or whatever. Let's hope that it doesn't turn out to be a total and complete disaster. Don't forget to REVIEW. I need as much feedback and motivation as I can get.


	3. The Wonderful Effects of Sake

Disclaimer: I do not own D. Gray-man or really anything. The manga and anime belong to the talented Hoshino Katsura. And Kanda's smexy voice (in Japanese) belongs to the amazing Sakurai Takahiro who I just found out voices the not only Kanda from D. Gray-man, but also Sasori from Naruto, Izuru Kira from Bleach, Yuuri Shibuya from Kyou Kara Maou, Misaki Takahashi from Junjou Romantica, Kusuriuri from Mononoke, Cloud from Final Fantasy, Suzaku from Code Geass, and Haruka from Tactics! That's nearly all my favorite characters in one wonderful package! (Sakurai voices a few super-uke types *cough* Misaki *cough* Yuuri. Anyways, just thought you should know.

A/N: I know that I haven't updated in like forever, and I am extremely sorry! So in the meantime enjoy this lemon that I wrote just for you guys. This is my first attempt and I'm so embarrassed. I probably did horribly. Ughhhh. Please review with constructive criticism so that I can try again in a later chapter.

Chapter 3-The Wonderful Effects of Sake

"Drinking contest!" shouted Kanda.

"What? A drinking…"

"Alleeeeeeeeeeen-kuuun! Kandaaaaaaaaa-saaan!" shouted an inebriated Komui.

"What're ya guys doin'?" slurred drunk Reever.

"I just totally killed Kanda in…" bragged Allen before noticing the bottles of alcohol that the drunken duo was holding.

A shiver passed through Allen and an expression that scared the shit out of the two drunkards made its way onto his face.

"Bean Sprout?" gulped kanda just the tiniest bit worried (although he'd never admit it).

"It's Allen." he cackled his survival gambling mode kicking in, "Ne, Kanda. If I win the drinking contest, will you take on all of Cross's debts?"

Allen never drank, mainly because Cross had scared him away from the stuff for good, but the need to pay off Cross's debts (meaning pushing them on to someone else like Kanda) heavily outweighed his fear.

Kanda contemplated this for a bit. He wasn't sure just how much Cross's debts added up to, but he was sure that it would be a lot. On the other hand, seeing a drunk Allen _and_ winning just seemed all too tempting.

"Fine."

"What? Really?" asked Allen confused and a bit hopeful.

"But if I win, you have to be my servant for a month." said Kanda, "And do whatever I say."

"A MONTH?!"

"I'd say that I'm actually being very generous considering that you haven't even told me how much Cross's debt is." growled Kanda.

-_Hmmmm. He does have a good point. If I told him how much Cross's debt is, he'd probably pull out. This does seem like a good deal. That is if I win_.- thought Allen.

"Okay."

They both agreed and shook hands. Then they turned back to Komui and Reever who were now passed out on the floor in a drunken heap. And Kanda soon forgot about his 'problem'. They took the bottles of sake, Allen a bit more reluctantly than Kanda, leaving the two to embrace each other in drunken slumber.

Kanda poured the sake into two cups he had gotten from Kami-knows-where. He handed the first to Allen and took the second for himself, raising his cup in cheers.

"Kampai." said Kanda knocking back his drink.

"Uh…k-kampai." repeated Allen eyeing his drink suspiciously before cautiously taking a sip.

"What's with that face?" asked Kanda.

"It tastes gross." whined Allen.

"So then…you want to stop?"

Allen nodded.

"So then I win…and you lose?" smirked Kanda. He couldn't believe that he had won already.

At the word lose Kuroi-Allen (Dark Allen) came back and he slammed back his drink ignoring the fiery sting the alcohol left in his throat. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve before holding the cup in front of Kanda, demanding more.

Kanda poured each of them another cup and watched as Allen started slamming them back like it was nothing.

After a few glasses Kanda started noticing that Allen was acting…differently. As in d-r-u-n-k.

"Ha!" shouted Allen as Kanda missed pouring the sake into the cup. He frowned at the mess. The sake had started impairing his vision, but at least he wasn't as messed up as Allen. He looked over to Allen only to see that the boy was still laughing uncontrollably.

"Ne, Kanda," slurred Allen, "why are you always so mad, Nya?"

"Nya?" asked Kanda, "What? Are you a cat now?"

"No, nya." said Allen giggling, "I'm a cow, nya."

"Listen Moyashi, I may be buzzed, but I think that I still know what sound animals make. And cows do NOT go 'nya'."

"Kaaaannnnndddddaaaaa, nya." sang Allen ignoring Kanda's last comment.

Kanda sighed deeply before taking another swig of his drink.

A few bottles of sake later

Kanda was…drunk. And Allen, well Allen was **SMASHED.**

Allen was still saying 'Nya', but instead of getting annoying Kanda began to think of it as cute. Or maybe that was just the sake talking.

"Ne, Kanda," said Allen as he crawled on all fours to where Kanda lay sprawled against the wall, "your hair is very pretty, nya."

Kanda shivered as Allen crawled on top of him, fingering his raven colored locks, and he was pretty sure that it had nothing to do with the fact that he was only in his boxers, but rather the fact that there was a very sexy Moyashi currently straddling him.

He couldn't take it anymore. Moyashi was just so…cute. He grabbed the wrist that Allen was using to support himself, causing Allen to fall on his chest as he pressed his lips clumsily to Allen's.

Allen in turn voiced no objections, but instead kissed him back letting out a soft moan when Kanda slipped his tongue passed the younger exorcist's lips. They stayed like that for a while, the younger boy straddling the other's lap while they explored, tasted, and catalogued each and every inch of each other's mouths until Allen couldn't take it anymore. Still lip-locked with Kanda, his hands disentangled themselves from the raven haired boy's ponytail, slowly wandering down his back, and finally coming to rest upon Kanda's hips where he tightened his grasp and suddenly jerked said boy's hips to his, resulting in two moaning, writhing, and extremely horny exorcists.

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

Warning: Next part contains LEMONS! (Hot Gay Guy on Guy Sex)Woooo!

This part has been removed to spare me the embarrassment of my first attempt at NC-17

So just imagine that some superhawt gay sex just happened.

Tired and exhausted, Allen carefully extracted himself from the older exorcist, wincing as Kanda slid out of him. He crawled over to where their coats lay, dragging them to where Kanda lay and leaned against the already unconscious Kanda, draping the makeshift blanket over both of them.

"Good night, Yuu." yawned Allen as he snuggled closer to Kanda, blushing slightly for using the stoic exorcist's first name.

A/N: Let's have a moment of silence for my innocence* shall we? I'm thinking that this fanfic is now coming to a close, it'll probably end within the next 2 or 3 chapters.

P.S. *no pun intended, but if I did have an innocence that'd be awesome. I need three more words to reach 1500 words, whoops. I passed it.


	4. The Bangles That Bind

*******

Disclaimer: If only I could own something this wonderful, but my life sucks so I don't.

A/N: It seems that a lot of people love this story for some reason that is beyond me *cough* yaoi *cough*. So here I am updating again for those of you who love it so much! And I am now at 50 reviews! So I'm going to thank everyone that has reviewed so far! Here is your long overdue review appreciation.

Thanks to those who reviewed: IzumiHyuuga , AnimePinkGirl, WrathofMugen, TheAngelIsrafel, Feina, pinkyblues, Mizuki hikari, Edtheoddfish, Bluebell Ren, Memory, sayomi-walker, Serenity Itishe, Nayru-chan , , sweetangel03, banifi, kikiyoinuyasha, and Caithdean, Painfuljoy, SeikaDragon, and Kichou.

Lots of thanks to those who reviewed for most of the chapters: S. Flook, babo123, Nusku, Lochesh, lilith lilac, kaydoodle, Midnight Crisis, I Like To Stalk You, Blood Soaked Redemption, MitarashiiDango, and XxAlysxX

And finally a very special thanks to those who reviewed for all the chapters that were up: Amaya Hamasaki and SilentKiller1.

But most importantly, thanks to all of you that read, favorited, and alerted! You have just been appreciated! So now go into the world and wreak havoc…with a smile on your face.

*******

Chapter 4-The Bangles that Bind

The next morning found Allen and Kanda on the floor of the training rooms surrounded by a huge crowd of people. Some were squealing and others just stood there mouths agape, eyes wide, and slightly blushing at the two naked (except for the coats covering them) exorcists.

"…"

"Fuck."

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

After the incident that shall be forever deemed Super Uber Top Secret Classified Confidential Stuff (Komui's idea), Allen and Kanda were both sent to Komui's office for a debriefing of sorts (a.k.a. Tell Komui what the hell happened so that he can make a deal later with Lenalee so that she will never ever ever never never speak to a single no good, dirty, rotten, tainted, boy that will mar her purity and make her leave her best, most caring, genius older brother in the whole wide world).

"So…" started Komui trying to break the uncomfortable silence and suppress a grin at the same time.

"It was Kanda's fault." deadpanned Allen.

"What the fuck, Moyashi?!" snapped Kanda.

"Well it was."

"How so, Baka Moyashi?"

"Well you're the one who came up with the whole competition in the first place!"

"Che, stupid beansprout you must have worse memory than I thought, because I recall that it was actually Lena-"

"Don't finish that sentence." grinned Komui creepily.

Kanda shut up abruptly. Allen snickered.  
"Besides, I wasn't asking who started it, I just want to know what happened." stated Komui.

Both exorcists paled considerably.

Silence.

"You know, I do have a new experiment that I'm working on and it's currently untested…"

"W-well you see it all started when-" stuttered Allen.

FLASHBACK from Allen's POV

"Allen, I love you, let's have hot Xemnas together and run away to raise ducks." said Kanda staring at me with a lusty look.

"X-xemnas?!" I inquired.

"Mansex." he was completely drunk, but I could tell that he wasn't kidding.

He advanced towards me and initiated a carnal and passionate, yet still gentle kiss. And we consummated our love-

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Hold it Moyashi!" Kanda interjected fuming with a slight red tinge at the tip of his ears.

"What? Are you afraid of the burning fiery passion we shared last night?"

"One, I'm not afraid of anything! Two, it was not burning fiery passion, it was sex. And three, that is sooo not how it happened."

"Wow, Kanda can count to three! Who knew?" teased Allen.

"Don't mock me Moyashi, besides there are two more things wrong with your story. I would never call you…insert stupid beansprout's real name here, and I would never tell anyone that I love them, least of all you."

"Why least of all me?" asked Allen trying to sound insulted, but failing. He looked like a kicked puppy and when his eyes held the faintest hint of tearing up Kanda turned his head and replied,

"Okay, maybe not least of all you. Least of all Komui."

"Really?" Allen asked perking up a bit.

"Yeah." Kanda's face had softened a little Komui noticed seeing as how he could see more of Kanda's face than Allen from their positions.

"Well then Kanda-kun, why don't you tell us what really happened?" offered Komui.

"It all started when-"

FLASHBACK from Kanda's POV

"Kanda…" mewled the Moyashi.

"What?" I knew he wouldn't stop if I didn't answer him.

"I'm horny…"

"So go take care of it."

"But you're horny too." He was now crawling on his hands and knees towards me while taking his shirt off in the process.

"So?"

"Let's do it!"

"Che."

And then I fucked him so hard-

xXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Eherm. Kanda-kun that sounds like a very delightful story, but I think that was detail enough. So in conclusion, you two both had sex, but neither of you are going to admit any feelings for each other because it was 'just sex'."

"Well, yeah." they both replied.

"Well, I guess it's too late for 'the talk' now." sighed Komui, "I even had L and Light plushies to demonstrate."

"…"

"…"

"Oh, c'mon everyone knows they're gay for each other! I mean chained together for that long, some feelings had to come out…"

"Komui…what are you-" panicked Allen as the psychotic scientist advanced towards them.

Faster than both of them could blink, a slim silver bangle was placed on Allen's right wrist and Kanda's left (this way it doesn't interfere with their innocences).

"What the fuck?"

"Bloody hell?"

"What is this shit?" they asked in unison.

"Well," Komui started, "when I was ranting about Death Note yaoi, I remembered that there was an experiment I always wanted to try out, but never got around to…so the opportunity arose and I took it."

"And?" prodded Kanda, his patience running very low.

"Well, they're actually handcuffs."

"But there's no chain connecting them." pointed out Allen moving his hand away from Kanda experimentally only to be stopped by an invisible tug. As soon as he felt the tug, a green glow emanated from his bangle connecting all the way to Kanda's like the chain in handcuffs. When he stopped tugging however, the green glow was gone.

"There is a chain," explained Komui, "but it's not visible at all times, only when you resist against it does it appear, or when it changes length."

"It changes length?" asked Kanda.

"Yes, the more you two fight, the shorter the chain gets, but to lengthen the chain, you two will have to show affection towards each other."

"…nope."

"No way in hell."

"Don't be like that you two, just think of this as a chance to…bond. Not the way that you two did yesterday, but as comrades. I've been thinking of ways to work on your teamwork, it just turns out that this is the less painful and least emotionally scarring one. Would you rather try the other options?"

"Depends," said Allen, "do the other options involve any potions, robots, rays, lasers, weird unnatural substances, duck farms, torture chambers, whips, sharp or pointy objects, needles, vaccines, rabies shots, marooning us on a deserted island, bombs, storage closets, locked rooms, cameras, surveillance, kinky costumes, weapons of any kind, starvation, tickling, or Lavi?"

"Yes to all of the above, but you forgot marshmallows." answered Komui.

"…che" was Kanda's only reply.

"You know these bangles aren't too bad."

"Good. Now, you two can leave, but those handcuffs will stay on until you two can play nice. Outside of the bedroom."

Allen made to get up, but instead found himself being literally dragged across the room by Kanda storming out of the office and out the door.

"Oh, Lenalee will be so pleased. And she'll love me forever and ever." sang Komui hugging himself.

*******

A/N: My self esteem is still pretty low from that lame attempt at a lemon, so I'm probably going to try one more time before the end of this fic, which thanks to the new plot twist that was totally a surprise even to me, will be longer than I anticipated.

P.S. Lol. Ducks. I've always wanted to see Allen and Kanda on a duck farm…plot bunny…must write.


	5. Lips Like Morphine

Disclaimer: …one day…one day, it will be mine. Muahahaha. But not today.

A/N: Ahhhh! I haven't updated in months! The sex scene is kinda weird in this one, actually it's pretty non-existent. This is kind of my test-fic for sex scenes, so I'm playing around with different styles right now. There'll be another lemon later on that's more descriptive, but for now this is all you get.

Chapter 5- Lips Like Morphine

"Um…Kanda?"

"What Moyashi?" responded an exasperated Kanda. The eyes of the whole entire cafeteria had been on them all throughout dinner because it had seemed like Allen and Kanda had been getting along and actually sitting next to each other during a meal of their own free will. Not to mention that everyone kept staring at the "matching bracelets". It didn't help that Kanda kept muttering death threats to Allen under his breath, which in turn activated the handcuffs and closed the distance between them quite rapidly. It wasn't until Allen was very nearly on Kanda's lap that Kanda had finally had enough and stormed out of the cafeteria, dragging along a very sad and still hungry Allen.

"…"

"What?"

"…"

"Mo…ya…shi! Spill it now!"

"I…I need to use the bathroom."

"Fine."

It took all of 3 minutes to get to the nearest bathroom and by the time they had gotten there, Allen was very, very red.

"Well? Aren't you going to go?"

"Kanda…" squeaked Allen.

"What?"

Allen lifted up his hand in front of Kanda's face, making Kanda's follow. Kanda's eyes widened as he realized what the Moyashi was getting at. The chain connecting them had gotten much shorter due the death threats at dinner. Their wrists were almost touching now and if Allen were to use the bathroom…

"So what are we supposed to do?" asked Kanda.

"Well, Komui said that it would grow longer if we showed…affection, so maybe if we…shook hands…"

"…fine."

Allen reached his hand towards Kanda and expected the samurai to pull away at the last minute or reject his handshake like when they had first met so long ago. But to Allen's surprise, Kanda firmly took his hand and after a brief and awkward silence, let go.

Kanda's hand had been cool to the touch and a lot softer than Allen had expected it to be after all that rigorous training.

The Moyashi's hand had been warm and inviting, even through the white glove that he was always so insistent on wearing…not that Kanda would know or anything, he was just observant…yeah, observant.

There was a long silence as they waited for the chain to glow and change length like it had numerous times in the cafeteria, only hopefully, with the opposite effect.

The chain began to glow…and grew…less than half a centimeter longer.

"C'mon, you two will have to do better than that!" came Komui's voice over a loud speaker.

Both of the exorcists looked around wide-eyed in astonishment before looking back at each other.

"Maybe we should try a different bathroom." offered Allen.

"Che. Let's get the fuck out of here."

All that could be heard from behind them as they left was Komui's maniacal laughter and the unmistakable giggling of one Lenalee Lee.

"Okay, so the handshake didn't exactly work."

"No shit, Moyashi."

After what happened in the public bathroom, Kanda and Allen decided to head back to one of their rooms and use a private bathroom. So now they wandered the empty halls of the Dark Order arguing over whose room to go to.

"So what should we do then? I reeeaaally need to use the bathrooooom!" whined Allen.

"Shut up, Moyashi. How the hell should I know?"

_"Hug him… Kiss him…Sex him up…again."_

"D-do you hear that too?" asked Allen.

"Che."

"It kinda sounds like Lenalee."

"Baka Moyashi, it's all in your head."

"So you're trying to tell me that the voice in my head sounds like Lenalee?"

"Whatever."

_"You know you want to…just do it…jump him…doesn't he look sexy?...So just do it…Remember what happened last night?...You loved it…Don't deny it…"_

"Kanda. Are you sure you don't hear it too?"

"Che. I never said that I couldn't hear it."

"But you said-"

"Shut up." said Kanda, stopping abruptly and shoving Allen harshly up against the wall.

"Kanda-"

"I said 'Shut up'."

Lips like morphine.

Kisses like sweet revenge.

Touches that scorch like hellfire and leave trails of lust in their wake.

A trail of clothes shed carelessly like leaves from trees scattered by the wind.

Whispers and moans lost in the heat of the moment.

Words muttered over and over again, but not without meaning.

Incoherent thoughts tumbling out in the form of actions.

Pants and heavy breathing filling the room.

Hands clutching the sheets.

Pain.

Pleasure.

Faster.

Harder.

Bliss.

"So…um…" started Allen awkwardly.

"Shut up and sleep, Moyashi." grunted Kanda, turning his back to the white haired exorcist sharing his bed.

"Right." said Allen as he turned his back to the stoic samurai.

It wasn't long before exhaustion finally won out over the mental battles going through both of their minds and the exorcists eventually drifted off into a surprisingly comfortable slumber.

Allen awoke wrapped in the arms of a certain samurai. Confused, but not displeased, Allen blinked wide-eyed at the arms that held him in a slumbering embrace. Around him like this, the toned, muscled arms bore almost no semblance to the arms that had not too long ago been wrapped around him in a more threatening and hostile way. These arms offered security and…affection, holding him tightly but not too tightly, as if he were something fragile and precious. The thought made a small smile appear on his face and an odd tingly feeling kindled in the pit of his stomach.

Kanda seemed to stir and Allen froze before trying, unsuccessfully, to squirm his way out of Kanda's grasp. If Kanda awoke while they were like this, surely even if Kanda was the one with his arms around Allen he would still find a way to blame it all on Allen.

His squirming just seemed to be waking Kanda up faster.

_Oh shit. Ohshitohshitohshitohshit!_

"Moyashi! What the FUCK?" shouted Kanda, having been rudely awakened by a blushing beansprout.

"Ah, sorry Kanda." apologized Allen, scratching his head in embarrassment, "You were…strangling me in your sleep."

"Che. Baka Moyashi! That didn't mean you had to activate your fucking innocence and fling me across the room!" scolded Kanda.

Allen, for once didn't supply a retort, he was instead staring at the distance between them.

"Huh, I guess it worked after all."

There was now a considerable amount of distance between the two and that explained how Kanda was able to wrap his arms around Allen comfortably this morning and how Allen was able to throw Kanda across the room without being pulled along.

Suddenly, Allen started fidgeting. A lot.

Kanda stared at the younger exorcist in confusion before asking, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I remembered that I still need to pee."

A/N: XD I actually already had this finished, but I forgot to post it up for you guys! And I don't even know how long it's been since I last posted a chapter. I'm sorry guys, my bad.

P.S. Blech, school is starting soon. I can't believe summer is already over! BTW, guess what I did earlier this summer! I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! And it was like a dream come true. Sorry, I'm just reaaaallly happy about it. And I got a new car! And I am sooo happy that I've already started on the next chapter! Yay, so it should be up soon enough. Unless I forget to post it again…


End file.
